I write these words on the eve of the 18th yartzeit of my dear mother a’h. While the pain of her loss is still stinging, I take comfort in the fact that we were with her and held her hands down to the moment when she slipped into the World of Eternity.

It is so painful for me that in this very edition of DSAU, under the topic ‘Confrontation’ there is a lot of ‘dialogue’ about parents being forced by grandparents to give away their newborn with Down syndrome. How blessed am I and my family that our memories of our children’s grandparents zichronom livracha, are filled with love, longing and genuine warmth.

60% of children with Down syndrome have ophthalmic conditions that need to be identified and treated in a timely manner in order to prevent long-term visual disability. Optical rehabilitation must be considered especially important in people with Down syndrome to ensure physical and mental well-being and optimize self-dependence. The majority of typical children are born far-sighted, but most will not require glasses long term as their prescriptions commonly decrease to zero, as their eyes grow.

Nine months of a blissful and perfect pregnancy. Then came the day when our precious baby was born, which changed our lives forever! But seconds after birth they whisked him away, and there was a lot of whispering around our baby. Yes, it seemed like our worst fears were confirmed. Down syndrome. That was our introduction into the world of special needs. The main question was, how and what do we tell our other children? How were they going to deal with this information? Our oldest son was 18 years old and living in his own world of “perfection”.

Life is like a puzzle.
We, as parents, are gifted with the duty to put all the pieces of our children’s lives together and make them fit seamlessly into a perfect picture.
Seems so simple.
Have you ever looked at those professional photographs of families taken outside in a garden, usually taken in the summer time?

Many people had approached me when they first heard the news that we were blessed with a child with Down syndrome. “You know…”, they would say, avoiding eye contact with me, “I hope you’re making the right decision… a child with Down syndrome can really ruin a family.”

Now, looking at my beautiful child, Shea, all I can do is nod with a bright smile and effusive glow. Indeed, it can change a family… and how!

As defined by the Merriam Webster dictionary, sibling rivalry is the “competition between brothers and sisters”. Upon hearing this phrase, we think of standard conflict between siblings that they experience while growing up. Who can run faster, who drew the best picture, who gets the best grades in school etc. The term sibling rivalry, when involving a sibling with special needs, is entirely different.

We have the great zechus in our yeshiva to accept boys with all types of issues.  We have a normal, mainstream yeshiva.  B’H, we have boys who become Roshei Yeshiva, doctors, lawyers, accountants, and of course, huge talmidei chachomim.

But we have something else, too. Our students have learned how to live with all kinds of kids.  People in our yeshiva believe that we are doing a tremendous chesed by helping all types of boys.  Correct, absolutely correct!  But the greatest chesed is to our own talmidim!  They learn how to be sensitive to other people.  A number of our talmidim now live in adult homes.  Their classmates from 20 years ago, many married with families, still stay in close contact and even visit them regularly.  So, tell me, who is the chesed for?

Our 2 Bais Medrash boys were learning home during lockdown and their sessions were peppered with lebediga Torah arguments.

When Yom Tov arrived, 12-year-old Elisheva, who has Down syndrome, made seating arrangements for the Yom Tov meals and placed her two brothers at the 2 opposite ends of the table ‘because they argue and bother each other too much’!

Thank you so much for a most beautiful winter edition, Issue #27. I really enjoyed reading it. Each issue outdoes the previous one.

I especially enjoyed “On the Double…” It made me pause and appreciate all the gifts our daughter, Rivky, was b’H blessed with; no cardiac issues, hospitalizations, trauma, etc. May Hashem continue to bentch Yossi and Levi “on the double”!

To My Most Beloved Sister Rikki,

As Corona began to storm,
It did transform,
The definition of the norm,
But worry I did not.